The Conflict and Confusion

Promise, promise, promise
I've promised to myself that everything is gonna change this month.

To start up, this month is my month I suppose; my birthday month.
Well, I don't expect any remarkable event, every birthday is gonna be the same thing. Wishes from parents, siblings, friends or even from your enemies(huh?). Gifts from them and perhaps treats. It has become a routine that I don't feel any difference between a normal day and birthday, well... apart from the wishes and gifts.

The issue, a major one, I shall say, is that I have reminded myself that this month is going to be a stepping stone for me to determine my future. I have planned that I will be furthering my studies abroad or I will be going to Junior College-an option that I'm a little bit off. However, many have tried to convince me that going to JC is presumably the better option. Of course, it requires less financial scale should I stay here and it will somehow instill a strong sense of responsibility and discipline within me, because of the JC strict and pressurising environment. I am, on the contrary, dislike to live here longer. I dislike the culture, many of the people, the country itself. I just want to have a fresh environment and a different culture. Guess that I am easily get bored. Anyhow, this month I just have to study, study and study. I will be doomed should I do badly for prelims.

Ok, so come back to the first issue. This month I have promised myself that I'm going to drill myself with textbooks, ten year series, other schools' prelim papers and any solid material that will help me to do well for my prelim exams and O level. I have to get good grades for my prelim because my mother tongue is a 'gone-case' and my CCA is 'utter-rubbish'. The thing is that, I have been suspecting that I am 'attacked' by a peculiar, menace virus. I am not able to absorb what I read and I just can't put the content of the textbooks into my this thick damn skull. Hope I can crack it and dump those lot of information into it. I am also becoming sleepy and more sleepy everyday. I've been sleeping in classes and day dreaming. Lots of thought have been rummaging me, and I just couldn't get rid of them.

I guess there is something wrong with me. And I want to CHANGE!! I want to CHANGE!! however, it is impossible. I am a truly FREAK!

People around me started to notice that I'm becoming easily agitated, easily stressed.

'Expressionless face'.

That's what they say. I like to wear that mask. I dunnoe, I think I'm feelin a torrent of incredulity and confusion at the moment. I couldn't think clearly. Weird and crazy thoughts have been appearing within my mind and I am plunged into the figment of imagination; surely I am entraped within it, transfixed by its profoundly confounding pit; sigh....that botomless pit where I feel like falling down inside a hole without ever reached the base.

How does it feel to fall down inside a hole or well that is baseless?




-Justify Do- .
12:56 AM